Hip Hop is how I define myself. Hip Hop did not start in the late 70's. It started long ago, undefined, from several points around the globe culminating into what we now call Hip Hop. Hip Hop is a way, a feeling, a thought. This blog reflects my Hip Hop.

Thank you for paying attention.

Saturday, December 20, 2008


This is probably my most polarizing emotion. I'm not talking everyday, run-of-the-mill fear such as hoping you don't get hit by a bus or watching the Knicks. I'm talking true blue fear of everything I know coming down around my feet. The fear of total loss of control. I've been dealing with this fear for quite some time. Years, in fact. No, it's not related to the now 'official' recession. No, I'm not talking about family. You can't control family. If you think you can, then you're fooling yourself. I'm talking about the one thing you can control. Yourself.

There are times when my mind gets so wrapped up in one thing, I feel - and it has happned on occasion - that I'm losing control over other parts of my mind. No, not I'm not going crazy. I'm talking concentration. There are times when I feel that life, in general, just may be too much. Too much bad news (heck, too much news period). Too many empty bank accounts. Too many bill collectors. Too many home owner issues. Too many extended family problems. Too many plans that I feel NEED to get done. Too many movies to catch up on. Too many whatever!!

I've been living in the past recently. Just out of control. Listening to 80's music. Catching up on old friends and acquaintences. Wondering what it would've been like had I done this or that. Or had I not done this or that. So forth and so on... This isn't a bad thing, per se...as it's been quite fun. The problem is I'm finding it hard to re-join the now as the now just isn't fun. Well, that is...no where near as fun as then. Hindsight being 20/20 and all that...

I am realizing though that I AM in control of myself and will be able to re-join the now eventually. Getting it out in this blog is probably a step. Ya know...like quiting cigarettes. Regardless, Bigg Russ IS here and Bigg Russ will continue until he's called home. Until that day, I hope to have regained full control. Before that though, I will need to get over this fear and deal with the deeper issues. I wish I had a hand book though. This stuff is tiring!

Thanks for reading...

Bigg Russ


mez said...

Greetings Bigg Russ! You laid down the heavy font this outting man!! Wow! I feel you, as I'm certain many others the like. "Fear" can be extremely detrimental to our very 'Life' itself, when not proactively dealt with. This emotion referred to as 'fear', can have adverse effects on our past, present, and future. Present 'fear' of the past, is deemed depression, while present 'fear' of the future is labelled, anxiety. So fear seeks to cover all of our proverbial bases (no escape). Though this appears to present a state of learned helplessness, or 'what's the use' mode, all is not lost. You can rise above, this 'appearance'. We all can! We must see more than what 'appears' to be presented. It doesn't mean all of our troublings have passed. It does mean that the pressures of day to day happenings already experienced; by us, have now officially become party to our chronicle. Now, what is our status quo? We, will refuse to allow the scars, wounds, and yes, even the impediments of our chronicle to dictate (any longer), or take authority over the great and grand, positively progressive opportunities that this 'God Granted' great and grand day has both instore, and ready to place into our hands. So then, our response is to first believe this, then commit to this, then practice this, and then be swept up into what 'it do'! Our industriousness is all that's required. I 'Gar-rone-tee' it to work in our favor........just sharing.

'B-Up' brother...........peace

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